We have all gone through it. You know, that point when there is no significant other and even though we may not be actively searching we see the swarms of couples that are well…everywhere. You see them in the stores, in the mall, in the restaurants showing PDA and holding hands being couple-y.
Now I normally am not fazed by them however, lately I have been very annoyed by the majority of them. I am nine times out of ten happy for people who find happiness with someone they love and these people I have no problem with. The ones who are agitating me are the ones who don’t have a relationship but rather are dating a person to prove that they are not alone. They hold hands in public and showcase their quote on quote ‘love’ when all it is, is simply smoke and mirrors.
One case in particular, my friend Jonathan* was taking some classes with me and a mutual friend. Now Jonathan started to like the mutual friend and myself and after deflating his ego he finally set his eyes on the mutual friend. However she did not feel the same way. So after a few weeks of awkwardness, silent treatment, and weird unrequited love poems the class ended and we went our separate ways. About a month later I bumped into him again and he said he had met someone new and I was happy for him. Fast forward two months and I run into him again and find out he is now engaged and getting married next year. Yes mind you he is barely 20 and has known the girl all together less than three months.
What is this rushed sense of urgency that we have succumbed to? In a age where we have everything where we can go to drive thru and have it our way, or order a pizza and if it isn’t delivered in half an hour its free have we condensed the time it takes to establish a relationship. Has a four year relationship become the equivalent of 4 months?
Now mind you most relationships end before they begin, and who’s to say if Jonathan’s engagement will make it past their golden anniversary of 6 months but the problem that I am finding with most couples today is that they are together for all the wrong reasons and namely one of them is to escape the dreaded “loneliness.” Now it isn’t about finding someone you want to grow with (mentally, physically, and emotionally) or even someone you are compatible with, no now its about grabbing whatever comes up and hanging on for dear life so that you can say you’re not (here it comes again) alone. Now this does not apply to everyone but it does apply to the majority and many of you people reading can name at least seven people you know personally who fall into this category.
What is the problem with being alone? Why are we so scared of spending time with ourselves? I was taught from a very early age that you will spend 50 percent of your time by yourself and you can be in a crowd full of people and feel “alone”. It is a simple part of life. But now it is something everyone is trying to avoid. Now I am not a recluse but I have no problem going to see a movie by myself if there are no takers and I will tour the city myself if no one is interested in making the trip. Some people and In fact a lot of people can not fathom going to a movie alone and would rather not go than to go by themselves.
So again why are we so afraid to be alone? And if we don’t spend enough time alone how can we know enough about ourselves to actually bring something worth bringing to the table in a relationship? How do we know what we even want in a relationship if we don’t spend time with ourselves or has it become a trial by error sort of thing?
I say this for all those who question themselves and try to find out what is” wrong” the next time you get a bit down when you see some PDA, DON’ T , instead feel bad for the ones who are simply being “alone” together.
Just a thought for your penny. – Ruban Lively
